Jan 2019
This officially has been the longest and the shortest month ever. I really don't know what happened to year 2018 or for the matter the 2 years before it. Everything seems dazy and as if it never existed. My entire life seems to be at the cross roads every damn minute. For a moment I am thinking I exactly know what I want to do and how I plan to do and the very next moment everything changes. Last 2 months I literally had my life being ruled by someone else , the decisions being made by someone else. It is entirely traumatic to be at the begging end. It is entirely torturous to keep changing the plans.
I am tired and sick of handling all sorts of people. It is not an easy thing to do. I never for once wanted to go out of the country but at this moment that seems to be the best thing to do. I really want to get out think and understand what needs to be done and how do I want to do it.
Its nightmarish already not having a clue of what you want to do and you are so close to 35. I have decided earlier that I will retire at 40 . But now that seems to be a problematic situation. I need to check how to go about doing what I am doing and getting the best of myself.
Life keeps on teaching me lessons on Not to wait , yet here I am waiting. I keep thinking back on all the misjudgements I did and all the wrong turns I took . I really wish I can turn around and take it out. There is never a delay in the lesson being taught. Why the hell am I delaying the learning ?
Life seems to be having that crooked smile right now. It got me where it wants me. Now I get to decide. Problem is I get to decide the fate of how my future looks like. I have no one to consider and no one to blame.
Till date I took my decisions and I stood by them. Now its my turn again to turn my life around. I am not going to give up just for the sakes. There is plenty to be done and I am not a quitter.
I have fought so far and will do it all over again. Just I need to learn and stay focused.
Not giving up yet but there is so much to do.. I wish I have a sense of clarity on what I can accomplish in life. I need to be able to read slowly and understand and then be able to pick up on the vocabulary .
I need to put myself first. I have to do it. I know every step I take will have repurcussions or so as I see them , I need to know for sure that I can handle those. I seem to be taking things for granted. Nothing is for granted. Life takes it own time to test you.
This 2019 will be the twist of fate and the scary part is I am forced to make those decisions. I am still clueless of what to do . I wish I have that energy and that mind to take right judgement.
I should do what is best... but What is best ?
I am tired and sick of handling all sorts of people. It is not an easy thing to do. I never for once wanted to go out of the country but at this moment that seems to be the best thing to do. I really want to get out think and understand what needs to be done and how do I want to do it.
Its nightmarish already not having a clue of what you want to do and you are so close to 35. I have decided earlier that I will retire at 40 . But now that seems to be a problematic situation. I need to check how to go about doing what I am doing and getting the best of myself.
Life keeps on teaching me lessons on Not to wait , yet here I am waiting. I keep thinking back on all the misjudgements I did and all the wrong turns I took . I really wish I can turn around and take it out. There is never a delay in the lesson being taught. Why the hell am I delaying the learning ?
Life seems to be having that crooked smile right now. It got me where it wants me. Now I get to decide. Problem is I get to decide the fate of how my future looks like. I have no one to consider and no one to blame.
Till date I took my decisions and I stood by them. Now its my turn again to turn my life around. I am not going to give up just for the sakes. There is plenty to be done and I am not a quitter.
I have fought so far and will do it all over again. Just I need to learn and stay focused.
Not giving up yet but there is so much to do.. I wish I have a sense of clarity on what I can accomplish in life. I need to be able to read slowly and understand and then be able to pick up on the vocabulary .
I need to put myself first. I have to do it. I know every step I take will have repurcussions or so as I see them , I need to know for sure that I can handle those. I seem to be taking things for granted. Nothing is for granted. Life takes it own time to test you.
This 2019 will be the twist of fate and the scary part is I am forced to make those decisions. I am still clueless of what to do . I wish I have that energy and that mind to take right judgement.
I should do what is best... but What is best ?
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